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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.

Adam Carolla

Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
ADAM CAROLLA

Insane Mean Million People Smartest Vote
I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit God Know Law Other Same Way World
You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
ADAM CAROLLA

Club Due Kil Funny Home Humor Sit Wait Yourself
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLA

Excel Fail Failing Opportunity People
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bear Chasing Depressed
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Colege Fudge Funny Growing Up Humor People Thirteen
Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA

Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA

Base Funny Include Kind King Revise Sex Sexual Sexy
I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA

Angry Comically Complaining Laughing People Start
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Eating Funny Humor Microwave Six Take
I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
ADAM CAROLLA

Funny Humor never Next One Thought Two
The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
ADAM CAROLLA

Adage Believe Grossly Overrated Yourself
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
ADAM CAROLLA

Architecture Car Dirty Hammer Money Stuff Wanted

Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.

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Popular Authors

Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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