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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

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Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLA

Arrival Funny Humor Smell Trumpet
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
ADAM CAROLLA

Experience Horrible Job Learned Mean
I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
ADAM CAROLLA

Audience Monetization Really Secondary Thinking
I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit God Know Law Other Same Way World
A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crisis Dalliance might Paper People Practice Right Truthful
I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Computer Function Know Knowlege Work
I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA

Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two
I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLA

Airport Depress Depressed Fear Height Scare Shy
This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLA

Circumstance Gay Glider Hate Pomp Star Terrorist
If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
ADAM CAROLLA

Absolutely Ever Funny Humor Idea Relationship
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA

Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke
My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Building Car Life Some Working Wrenching
Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Everone Funny Humor Intimidating Oh My God Saying
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
ADAM CAROLLA

Christmas Country Dad Feel Instantly Kid Wrong
Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLA

Enough Formatted Need Poor Reader Show Type
You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Control Credit More Much Navigate Pill Realize Sugar Use

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