I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLAI feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLA