When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLAI feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I get depressed at airports.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
ADAM CAROLLA