The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLAThe thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I’d never hurt another person.
ADAM CAROLLA