People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
ADAM CAROLLAHaving sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA