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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.

Adam Carolla

If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Human Remain Size Street Tax
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
ADAM CAROLLA

Call Dish Giving Head Hungarian Night Paprikash Sorry World
Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLA

Heo Methadone Monetary Organisation Welfare
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Dude Enough Funny Joy People Television Thinking
I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anybody Attention Ill Money Power Thought Towards Will
I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA

Angry Comically Complaining Laughing People Start
I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
ADAM CAROLLA

Architecture Car Dirty Hammer Money Stuff Wanted
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
ADAM CAROLLA

Enough Good Hurt Hurting Interesting Nice Parent People
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire Infused Need Office Passion Patriotism Place Probably Vigor
Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
ADAM CAROLLA

Air Conservative Country People Place Stories Story Use
I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
ADAM CAROLLA

Funny Humor never Next One Thought Two
So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit Bringing Courage God Keep People Suppress
You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Cruise Feeling Good Internet Name Walk
I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLA

Behind Feeling Feelings Joke Sort Stand Trying
The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Compelling Good Host Podcast
People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLA

College Look People Smart White

If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.

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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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