I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLAIf my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
ADAM CAROLLA