The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDSI drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS