I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDSComedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS