I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDSComedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I drink therefore I am.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS