black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes