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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

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