“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.

You are a genius! and I am a genius because I married you.

Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.

That’s why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Decide that you want it more than you’re afraid of it.

Gray hair is gods graffiti.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn’t let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Was not In the men’s room, Julie.

It isn’t a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that’s beautiful.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

For every failure, there’s an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.

You might have failed, but you’re not a failure until you give up.

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

Too often we love people who don’t love us, but we fail to return the love of others who do.

When you are injured, you need to strengthen yourself very well to make a comeback very confidently.

I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest.

There’s no right or wrong, success or failure.

Don’t be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience.