“In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.”

The serve was invented so that the net could play.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.

You are a genius! and I am a genius because I married you.

Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.

That’s why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Decide that you want it more than you’re afraid of it.

Gray hair is gods graffiti.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn’t let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Was not In the men’s room, Julie.

My dad said if you become a tennis professional just make sure you get into the top hundred, because you have to make a little bit of money. You make a living so you can pay your coaching and, you know, your travels.

Whoever gives advice to a heedless man is himself in need of advice.

When brides ask me, “What’s the best advice you can give me on my wedding day?” I always have the same answer: “Be yourself.” Someone’s marrying you, they love you for who you are, and they don’t want you to be someone else.

Virtue pardons the wicked, as the sandal-tree perfumes the axe which strikes it.

We have to think before we act.

My advice to anyone with a dream is to never stop pursuing it.

Don’t take your toys inside just because it’s raining.

I wouldn’t give myself any advice, because advice is kinda bullshit. Take a deep breath and don’t take any of it too seriously.