“There’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.”

The price of meat has just gone up and your old lady has just gone down.

We could improve worldwide mental health if we acknowledged that parents can make you crazy.

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else’s life.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.

There are only two things to remember. Number one: Don’t Stop, and number two: Keep going!

You can bet everything will come to an end. It’s going to be ugly and it’s going to be a mess, and it’s going to be something that somebody did in the name of God.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

Censoring what you say is one of the ways in which people who are not nice can take away your personal freedom.

There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it’s going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.

One and one is eleven.

The closer you are, the brighter the flames in my heart.

I enjoy irritating the people who enjoy being irritated.

Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?

A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.

If we can’t be free at least we can be cheap.

When men choose not to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing, they then become capable of believing in anything.

Atheism is an exercise in intellectual contempt.

As an atheist, I am angry that we live in a society in which the plain truth cannot be spoken without offending 90% of the population.

The atheist, by merely being in touch with reality, appears shamefully out of touch with the fantasy life of his neighbors.

I’m not even an atheist so much as I am an antitheist; I not only maintain that all religions are versions of the same untruth, but I hold that the influence of churches, and the effect of religious belief, is positively harmful.

To sustain the belief that there is no God, atheism has to demonstrate infinite knowledge, which is tantamount to saying, “I have infinite knowledge that there is no being in existence with infinite knowledge

Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make when in the presence of religious dogma.

Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply a refusal to deny the obvious. Unfortunately, we live in a world in which the obvious is overlooked as a matter of principle.