If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGETNot a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
BOB SAGET -
I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
BOB SAGET -
If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGET -
The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
BOB SAGET -
I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
BOB SAGET -
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET -
Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET -
I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
BOB SAGET -
I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
BOB SAGET -
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
BOB SAGET -
Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
BOB SAGET -
Valuable people are undervalued.
BOB SAGET -
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
BOB SAGET -
What I’ve learned about comedy people is that they’re defined by the harshest level they’ve been to, their personal Auschwitz.
BOB SAGET -
Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.
BOB SAGET