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When you get over 95, every day is your day.

Bob Hope

A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Invested Sweater
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
BOB HOPE

Careers Dying Line One
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
BOB HOPE

Country Kissing Lazy Love People
A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
BOB HOPE

Doctors Funny Heart Operating Table
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
BOB HOPE

Concentrate Grandchildren One Thing Tim
I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
BOB HOPE

Carter Done Nothing People
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
BOB HOPE

Actors Comedy Parent
US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE

Ford Gerald Golf President
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hope Love
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.
BOB HOPE

America Funny Humorous

When you get over 95, every day is your day.

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When you get over 95, every day is your day.

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