Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
BOB HOPEI’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
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Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
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Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
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The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
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Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
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I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
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Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
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I have too much money invested in sweaters.
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When you get over 95, every day is your day.
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It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
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Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
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I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
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I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
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Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
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A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
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Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
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I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
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I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
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The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
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We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
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It’s a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he’s dead.
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Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes.
BOB HOPE