Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
BILL BAILEYAdd a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
BILL BAILEYThank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEYNostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEYWelcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEYI’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEYTonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEYRelaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
BILL BAILEYI am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEYPeople say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEYWork hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEYThree blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEYWithout the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
BILL BAILEYI tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
BILL BAILEYIt’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
BILL BAILEYI spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEYAt college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY