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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.

Billy Connolly

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Christianity Different Religion Thing
Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balls Enough Father Shout
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Air School
I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Believe Book Care Film Movie
Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arches Audience People
Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Book never People Trust
When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Channel People Rooms Search
I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Desert Drawing Islands Middle Page
Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fraudulence People Pomposity Sometimes Thinking Water
Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Art Needs Reality
When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Hell Real
I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Brother Funny Girlfriend Mine
Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Disease Media Negativity
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offended Target The Aim

I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.

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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.

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