I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLERDo not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
PHYLLIS DILLER -
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER






