self-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLERDo not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
PHYLLIS DILLER