I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
GEORGE BURNSToo bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
More George Burns Quotes
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS -
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS -
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNS -
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNS -
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNS -
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNS -
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS -
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
GEORGE BURNS -
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS -
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNS -
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS -
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE BURNS -
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS