I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNSToo bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
More George Burns Quotes
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS -
How can I die? I’m booked.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS -
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS -
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS -
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS






