“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.”

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.

Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.

Don’t drink in the hotel bar, that’s where I do my drinking.

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for… reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

I was a left-handed dentist who made people cry.

If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as good as we think we are.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain’t two good catchers among ’em.

I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.

Don’t bring your sand toys to the park. That’s another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I’m on the Vicodin and a little weed too – let’s face it – and I go in there, and my wife’s like.

I can’t take another day of this.

Don’t be just another guy going down the street and going nowhere.

I had to do another couple of albums about this idiot. Then I had to play in front of 37 people. It was horrible. I was crying. I was freaked out.

I don’t think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

Never break another man’s rice bowl.

It takes loneliness in oneself to recognize it in another.

The art of life is loving and listening to one another.