“You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.”

You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.

The trick is growing up without growing old.

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.

Don’t drink in the hotel bar, that’s where I do my drinking.

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for… reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

I was a left-handed dentist who made people cry.

If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as good as we think we are.

So that’s why one of my rules of parody writing is that it’s gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

You gotta have a concrete lawn before I feel comfortable enough to go in and talk to you parents.

I’m for Barack Obama. We gotta have the Muslim cell in there just to piss Rush Limbaugh and the right wing off.

But somehow I’ve gotta find a way to play this.

. You gotta know what you like and what you do’t like and that’s fine.

In order to perfect your craft, you’ve gotta go hard, you’ve gotta go overtime.

I’m the kinda person, you gotta fight for everything you get. You gotta believe in yourself.

Regardless of what people say, that’s what they gotta bang in their heads: Ace Hood is the future. You ain’t got nobody else in my lane.