“Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.”

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.

Don’t drink in the hotel bar, that’s where I do my drinking.

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for… reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

I was a left-handed dentist who made people cry.

If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as good as we think we are.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain’t two good catchers among ’em.

I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.

You gotta learn that if you don’t get it by midnight, chances are you ain’t gonna get it, and if you do, it ain’t worth it.

Some songs are too repetitive for me to be able to fashion a humorous set of lyrics around. Some songs flat-out just don’t work creatively for me.

In a genre where most of the artists are one-hit wonders, I’ve been able to hang around longer than most “serious” acts. I pride myself in being a very talented leech.

That’s the way to live – around people who care. It may be a tough ride, but something is going to come out of it.

National Action Network, the group I founded, has affiliates or chapters in over 40 cities around the country.

It’s never really that much fun for me to do movies anyway, because you – you know, you have to get up very early in the morning and you have to go in and you spend a lot of time waiting around.

It’s so funny when people who are not used to making movies get into it. You just can’t believe how insufferably boring it is.

Waiting around and doing these lines over and over and finally having to go in and loop the lines and dub them.

It hurt me a great deal. It put a lot of pressure on me because I was at a young age and the writers around here and throughout the league starting comparing me to Cobb. It put a lot of pressure on me.