I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
RON WHITEThere were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
More Ron White Quotes
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I do live like a rock star, but it’s not as great as it sounds. It’s a lot of traveling.
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I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
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If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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Everybody I know is a joke writer.
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Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that’s all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
RON WHITE






