I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
RON WHITEI think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don’t need my help.
More Ron White Quotes
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
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Any time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.
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I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
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You can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
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I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn’t care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
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People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
RON WHITE