Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDAt twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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