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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Born I Morning Mother Sickness

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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Already Always Eye Garbage Keep Me Rid She Told Try Wife
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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