If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you’re going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
FRAN LEBOWITZRemember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZIn the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
FRAN LEBOWITZNature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
FRAN LEBOWITZYou’re only as good as your last haircut.
FRAN LEBOWITZOriginal thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
FRAN LEBOWITZYour life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
FRAN LEBOWITZPolite conversation is rarely either.
FRAN LEBOWITZI place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
FRAN LEBOWITZVery few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
FRAN LEBOWITZThere is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZScientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
FRAN LEBOWITZRomantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
FRAN LEBOWITZNever relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZ