Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KINGFor me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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I was a high school throw-out.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING