What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLAI am not a good cue card reader.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
ADAM CAROLLA






