People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLAIf you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA