My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA