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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

Adam Carolla

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dad Dollar Funny Humor Knowledge Raise Share Sister
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA

Brush Front never Own Pick Stand
Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advantage Ask Focus Asking Judging Smell Someone
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Feeling Land Side Thing Views
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA

Burn Calories Happen Masculine Trying World
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
ADAM CAROLLA

Call Dish Giving Head Hungarian Night Paprikash Sorry World
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ashtray College High Junior School
Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLA

Christmas Country Dad Every Imagine Seeing Three Year
Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Good Need Pressure Read Reader Ton
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Diarrhea Funny Hand Humor Riding Roller Coater Sex
My first car was a motorcycle.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buy Car First Mine Motorcycle Vehicles
If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Human Remain Size Street Tax

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

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