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I’m a comedian, not a politician.

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Comedian Comedy Feeling Irony Joke Laugh Life Politician

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA

Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA

Age Life Positive Show Story Success Year
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Connection Each Emotional Mom Other Understanding
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Common Sense Fist Hand Lawyer Sanitizer
I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
ADAM CAROLLA

Car Need Nose Picking Running Superstitious Unless
Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
ADAM CAROLLA

Any Form Over Shape Taking Talk Way Weird
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Assess Honest Honestly Important More Something Working
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Colege Fudge Funny Growing Up Humor People Thirteen
My first car was a motorcycle.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buy Car First Mine Motorcycle Vehicles
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Car Guy Hammer Nut Sort Swinging Turning Wrenching
I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bigger Commercial Funny Humor Maxi Nice Pad Visual
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Actually Chance Chick Funny Humor Mercedes Name
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA

Brush Front never Own Pick Stand

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