Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLENI have a thing for tools.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLEN