You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.
ANDY ROONEYThe fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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I’ve learned, That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
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I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
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Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
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Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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Most of us aren’t that interested in getting rich- we just don’t want to get poor.
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I’ve learned, That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don’t know what they are talking about.
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I’ve learned, That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
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We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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Familiar things are a comfort to us all.
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.
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Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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Unfortunately, propaganda works.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
ANDY ROONEY