I don’t know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you’ve taken a pill out?
ANDY ROONEYWhen those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.
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I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.
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I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.
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I’ve learned, That when you’re in love, it shows.
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The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.
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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
ANDY ROONEY -
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY -
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
ANDY ROONEY -
Small daily happenings make life spectacular. Start enjoying the small things in life!
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned, That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
ANDY ROONEY -
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
ANDY ROONEY -
In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
ANDY ROONEY -
One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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I’ve learned That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.
ANDY ROONEY -
All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don’t know what they’re talking about.
ANDY ROONEY -
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
ANDY ROONEY -
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
ANDY ROONEY -
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
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Being kind is more important than being right.
ANDY ROONEY -
It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.
ANDY ROONEY -
Familiar things are a comfort to us all.
ANDY ROONEY -
You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.
ANDY ROONEY -
I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
ANDY ROONEY -
I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
ANDY ROONEY