“Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.”

If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.

Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.

Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.

If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.

Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.

Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?

The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.

When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.

We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.

To the lands I knew before you came, And the cool ocean breezes shall blow from me The memory of your name.

The great strength of our Order lies in its concealment.

Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.

Being in a band is about making the band the priority.

Let it never appear in any place in its own name but always covered by another name and another occupation.

We won’t know them by their name but their compensation will be to affect the outcome of the planet.

If you do not find peace within, you will not find it anywhere else. The Goal of Life is the attainment of Peace and not the achievement of power, name, fame and wealth.

Everyone calls himself a friend, but only a fool relies on it; nothing is commoner than the name, nothing rarer than the thing.