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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”

Bill Maher

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER

Food Home President Teaching Time Visit White Yourself
Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHER

Fear Information Rule Tribe
Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
BILL MAHER

Black People Politics See Stage
I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
BILL MAHER

Ancient Atheist Man Myth Religion Story Thinking
To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
BILL MAHER

Appearance Courage Coward Stupidity
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHER

Game Injustice Rival Sport Unfair Yourself
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
BILL MAHER

Advantage Atheist Time Yourself
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHER

Build Fly People Plane Progress Religion Stop Thinking
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHER

God Live Money Ourselves Trust
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER

Click Perspective Reading Religious Software
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER

Constituency Crazy Politics
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER

Country Guilty Wealth Yourself
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHER

Himself Intention Object Room Strange Way
Death is nature’s way of killing you.
BILL MAHER

Death Kill Nature Way Yourself
Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER

Big Ideas Myself Woman

Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”

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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”

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Popular Authors

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