You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPSMy parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
EMO PHILIPS






