Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
BILL MAHERThe reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHER -
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER