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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.

Tim Allen

A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
TIM ALLEN

Blame Car Family Land Memories Myself Traffic
Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLEN

Appearance Listening Noise Thinking Voice Yourself
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN

Goodness Lying Man Myself Positive
You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
TIM ALLEN

People Stress Tension Yourself
If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLEN

Control Decision Direction Journey Path Yourself
The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLEN

Advantage Beautiful Myself Play Reality Show Theatre
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN

Crazy Drive Face God Myself Stare Wonder
I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLEN

Adult Children Goodness Independent
The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLEN

Best Busy Children Ego
Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLEN

Independent Man Travel
I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN

Clarify Funny Memories Myself
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN

Children Father Fear Irrational Lose Myself
I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLEN

Environment Man Myself Spoil
Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
TIM ALLEN

Area Avoid Comment Togetherness Woman
I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLEN

Artist Creativity Design Graphics
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy One Liner Ultimate

If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.

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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.

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