A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
TIM ALLENA car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
TIM ALLENI used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
TIM ALLENI love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLENIf it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
TIM ALLENI’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENJill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
TIM ALLENI know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENThe ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLENElectricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLENBe wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLENDogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLENMen are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLENDog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLENWhen you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
TIM ALLENI think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLENReal men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN