Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
BILL MAHERReligion is insanity by consensus.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
BILL MAHER