Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLENDog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN