Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHERIn this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
BILL MAHER