Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLENMen are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLEN






