Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN