I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENYou don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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