Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCEMayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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