Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCEI think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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