ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
AMBROSE BIERCETrue, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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